The Weight of Perfectionism

One of my greatest weaknesses — and life’s most persistent teachers — has been perfectionism. It’s a trait that has both driven me forward and, at times, held me back. I’ve lived through moments of hesitation and regret because of it, and each of those moments taught me something priceless.

One of the most vivid examples was during my application process for IISMA — Indonesia International Student Mobility Awards, a student exchange and scholarship program abroad. The process was long, complex, and costly. It began with online registration, preparing documents, writing essays, paying for English proficiency tests, attending interviews, and finally, the possibility of being selected as an awardee.

During the document preparation stage, I was overcome with doubt. The cost of the English Proficiency Test felt heavy — both financially and mentally. I questioned myself:

“Will I pass this test?”

“Will I get a score high enough for my dream university?”

Even though I believed in my English skills, my confidence faltered when I realized how much was at stake. Financial limitations made things harder, and I found myself torn between ambition and practicality.

When the application periods came again in my 4th and 6th semesters, I faced similar dilemmas. Some universities weren’t available, and uncertainty lingered. In the end, I decided to step back — to let go of IISMA and continue focusing on my college path. Deep down, I knew there was a chance I could have succeeded, but perfectionism — that fear of not doing things perfectly — held me back.

Learning Growth Mindset

Later, I discovered the concept of the Growth Mindset, and it completely reshaped how I saw challenges and success.

The real test came during my thesis defense and graduation, which coincided with my community service (KKN) program. I had set an ambitious goal: to graduate within 3.5 years. It was a bold target, and the odds weren’t in my favor.

Between long trips — six hours round-trip from my KKN location — revising my thesis, managing documentation, and juggling service projects, everything felt chaotic. But this time, I didn’t obsess over the outcome. I focused on the process. I embraced each step, no matter how tiring, and learned to enjoy the act of doing rather than the fear of failing.

In the end, that journey paid off beautifully. I graduated during my KKN period, finished college in 3.5 years, and was named Best Graduate of the Informatics Program. Achievements I once thought impossible became real — not because I was perfect, but because I let go of the need to be.

Turning Weakness into Strength

Now, I see how perfectionism and growth mindset can coexist. My perfectionism pushes me to strive for quality, while my growth mindset keeps me grounded — reminding me that imperfection is part of progress.

These traits have shaped the way I mentor others in the Bangkit Academy under Kampus Merdeka. I can empathize with my mentees’ struggles — the doubts, the setbacks, the fear of not being good enough — because I’ve lived through them. My experiences help me create a space where they can feel safe to grow, make mistakes, and learn without judgment.

Through this, I’ve also learned to value resilience — not just in myself, but in those around me. The people who keep trying, despite uncertainty, deserve as much recognition as those who succeed. Every effort counts. Every process matters.

Living in the Moment

Perfectionism once made me afraid to move forward unless things were ideal. But now, I understand that life’s beauty lies in imperfection. Every process, every struggle — even the ones that don’t end in success — carries meaning.

We often see our efforts through a narrow lens, judging ourselves by outcomes instead of growth. But every challenge teaches something invaluable. For me, the greatest realization has been this:

“Living in the moment” is not about ignoring the future — it’s about embracing the process that leads you there.

Key Takeaways

Perfectionism can coexist with growth — if balanced with compassion.

Embrace progress, not perfection.

Every effort deserves appreciation, even when the result isn’t visible.

Learn to live in the moment — because the process is the purpose.

Closing Reflection

I used to believe perfection defined success. Now, I know that growth does. Perfectionism made me hesitate; growth mindset taught me to move forward anyway.

And that simple shift — from fear to faith in the process — changed everything.